To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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