life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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