I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize