i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
