u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
