nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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