so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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