I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
