Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
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