just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
