You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have aggressive nipples.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
