I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
