bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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