either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
