I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
