Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
