ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
