I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
