thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
