In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
