So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
