as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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