i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
