Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
