ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
