We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
