You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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