Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
