i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
