Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
