it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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