ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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