we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
