He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize