Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My liver just had a heart attack.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize