The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
