Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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