Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
