my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
