Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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