WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Help. Why am I so naked?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
