All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
