Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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