shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
sex in a hospital.. check
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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