Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think your dad took our porno
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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