The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I want her autograph on my taint
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
