That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
