at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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