See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
