I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
