He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize