It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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