the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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