did you get engaged???
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
