Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
