1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
