a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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