Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
