So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
