She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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