U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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