I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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