"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
