Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
