I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
