these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she looked like the before picture.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
