Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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